I hate those cell phone commercials on tv. They make mountains out of molehills with their service plans. I hate that verizon commercial the most. Who cares if anyone can hear that dorky guy. I also hate that vonage commercial. Their background music is so annoying that if I woke up from a deep sleep and heard that, I would kill whoever was playing it. Never mind if it was done as a joke. It reminds me of the commercial yahoo used to put on tv with their yodeling.
Anyway, here is what Top 5 has to say about cell phone ads:
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C L U B T O P 5
The following list has been approved for tall audiences.
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March 31, 2006
The Top 15 Realistic Cell Phone Company Ad Pitches
15> We don't make collisions. We make them collisionier.
14> Let the whole bus participate in your ugly break-up!
13> Us vibrating in your pants pocket is all you've got to look
forward to, Poindexter.
12> Screw the flowers. Say it with words.
11> Dude, *you* know nothing in your pathetic little life warrants
having a phone in your ear 24/7 -- but the rest of the world
doesn't.
10> *Happy* teens don't kill their parents while they sleep.
9> Walk around talking to yourself -- without the stigma of
mental illness!
8> We'd implant them in your freakin' skull if we could.
7> The perfect way to stamp out those pesky moments of quiet
reflection.
6> Because *you're* the most important person around.
5> When you absolutely, positively have to share your drunken
brilliance.
4> Show her your class and sophistication with a custom
"Dueling Banjos" ringtone.
3> Now with Booty-Call Forwarding.
2> Because lord knows you're not capable of picking out a box
of cereal on your own.
and Topfive.com's Number 1
Realistic Cell Phone Company Ad Pitch...
1> New Mariah Carey ringtones! Can you kill me now? Good!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
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Realistic Cell Phone Company Ad Pitches
RUNNERS UP list -- Nojokia
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"Star Wars" ringtones turn an ordinary phone into a dorky
personality-enhancer.
(Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX)
*Our* company plan doesn't include an entire community of stalker
geeks.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
At Motorola, we don't make the cancer, we make the conditions
which will in all likelihood lead to cancer.
(Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC)
Be the caller who finally causes Larry King to blurt out,
"Obnoxious asswipe on a cell phone, you're on the air!"
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
Because all the other kids have one.
(Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY)
(Donald Junter, New Haven, CT)
Because every employee needs a leash.
(Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Because we've got our mind on your money, and your money on our
mind.
(Jim Key, Rowlett, TX)
If we made a RAZR suppository you'd be sitting on it right now.
(John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN)
In partnership with the Automotive Body Repair Association.
(Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA)
Never be far from the glorious score to "Carmen," as played by a
tinny, crappy, off-key ringtone.
(Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)
Piss off a theater full of film snobs tonight.
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)
RAZR phones, for that stubble you get waiting for customer service.
(Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA)
Reach out and annoy the living shit out of someone!
(Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA)
(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)
Ruining the perfect moment at a wedding: Priceless.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
Sure, we sold it to you six months ago, and you still have a year
and a half left on your contract, but your current phone is SO
out-of-date.
(Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY)
Texting: Because your typo-ridden e-mails aren't embarrassing
enough.
(Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)
The Asshole-Enabler, for the S.O.B.-positive.
(Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC)
The chicks are totally raring for your take on the Red Sox
pitching rotation -- don't make them wait until you get home,
playa!
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
We drop calls so you don't have to.
(Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
What else are you going to do during your commute? Read?
(Ian Dauphinee, Calgary, AB, Canada)
When it absolutely, positively has to annoy everyone else in the
restaurant tonight.
(Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada)
Why not let your Kajagoogoo ringtone announce to everyone you're
an ass?
(Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI)
Why spend 99 cents for an entire song when you can spend $3.50 for
a 30-second ringtone?
(Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA)
Your conversations are so interesting *everybody* ought to hear
them.
(Ian Dauphinee, Calgary, AB, Canada)
Runners Up list name
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
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Realistic Cell Phone Company Ad Pitches
HONORABLE MENTIONS list -- Out of Hysteria
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A great way to interrupt uncomfortable social interaction.
(David Kass, Queens, NY)
Allows you to speak to your caller and everyone in the room at the
same time!
(David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA)
Because driving should be interesting and driving drunk is illegal.
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
Bore someone new tonight.
(Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY)
Brain cancer? Schmain cancer!
(Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX)
Can you bear me now?
(Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA)
Can you hear me now? No? How about if I shout really, really loud:
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?
(Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY)
Come on, it'll be two, three weeks max before your 12-year-old son
is taking pictures of his "unit."
(Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI)
Go ahead. Pull our ringer.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Got tumors?
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
If you're going to compensate, at least choose something about the
same size.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA)
It's tough to talk to your kids about drugs -- but it's easy to
leave them a voicemail.
(Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
Let all the losers around you live vicariously through your calls.
(Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY)
Let your kids blow their own college fund.
(Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA)
Limits your teenagers to only thousands of dollars in overages
monthly.
(Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA)
NW U KN TXT 2!
(Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Now that you're 30, your best friends live too far away for
walkie-talkies.
(Brian Daywalt, Wabash, IN)
Now you can talk to a friend while ignoring the five friends
you're out with.
(Curtis Stoddard, Milwaukie, OR)
Only losers *read* on the bus.
(Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)
Over three times the range of two cans on a string!
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
(Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA)
Talk all you want; we'll charge more.
(Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX)
Text while you drive and all your friends will see you on the
evening news.
(Richard Skora, Columbus, OH)
The alternative is to accept where you are and who you're with,
and who's into THAT?!
(Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)
Trust me, if you're stuck in some heinous murderer's trunk, you'll
need this phone.
(Stephanie Shiner Thompson, Brainerd, MN)
When miming just won't do.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA)
With millions of features you don't need and will never figure out
how to use anyway.
(Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA)
You're never too drunk to speed-dial.
(Gordon Sherman, Camp Slayer, Baghdad)
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