[This is one of many articles in the Halloween 2006 Season series. Go this way to read the rest of them.]
I really don't watch movies these days. And if I was going to watch a movie, it certainly wouldn't be a horror one. I have had too many bad memories and nightmares from watching them when I was a little kid. Curiosity kills the cat sometimes.
Anyways, some humor from the top five crew, as they always rip up names and come up with new ones:
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C L U B T O P 5
Take as needed for broken heart.
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September 21, 2006
The Top 17 Least Scary Horror Movies
(Part I)
17> A Nightmare Remodeling Job on Elm Street
16> V for Vin Diesel
15> An Inconvenient Truth 2: The Humidity
14> A Really, Really, *Really* Bad Dream on Sesame Street
13> The Amen
12> Night of the Living Will
11> Pet Seminary
10> Village of the Danged
9> Casual Friday the 13th
8> Dragula
7> Children of the Corn Dogs
6> Freddie Mercury vs. Jason Alexander
5> Something Sequined This Way Comes
4> The Whining
3> The Cabernet of Dr. Calamari
2> I Left My Gum On Your Grave
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Least Scary Horror Movie...
1> I Know What You Did Last Summer at the Freemont Camp
for Husky Boys
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
The Runner Up & Honorable Mention submissions
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Least Scary Horror Movies
RUNNERS UP list -- Afraid Not
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Carrie Underwood
(Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)
Children of the Creamed Corn
(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)
Done Seen
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Heckyll
(Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA)
Nightmare on Fluffy Marshmallow Street
(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)
That Recurring Dream Where You're Late for Your Calculus Exam and
You Haven't Studied at All on Elm Street
(Neil Davidson, Mississauga, ON, Canada)
The House on Harmonious Hill
(Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)
The Refusal: Denial of the Requested Extension of Time for Payment
of Taxes by a Corporation Expecting a Net Operating Loss Carryback
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
The Texas Chainmail Messenger
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
When a Stranger Calls During Dinner to Ask If You're Happy With
Your Current Wireless Provider
(Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada)
Runners Up list name
(Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA)
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Least Scary Horror Movies
HONORABLE MENTIONS list -- Frankenwienies
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Halloween XXII: Shatner's Here for the Royalties
(Richard Skora, Columbus, OH)
I Know What I Did Last Summer
(Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA)
Interview With the Umpire
(Emily Limbach, Boulder, CO)
(Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY)
Invasion of the Body Scratchers
(Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada)
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)
(David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA)
Jowls
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)
Pleasant Dreams on Park Avenue
(Meg Silvern, Tucson, AZ)
Rosemary's Baby Doll Nightie
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)
Saturday the 14th: A Freudian Analysis of the Nightmare
(Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada)
See-Saw
(Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA)
Snipes on a Plane
(Donald Junter, New Haven, CT)
Texas Chainsaw Brushclearing
(Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada)
The Fly... Was Open
(David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA)
The Shedding: An American Werewolf in Rehab
(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)
The Shoeshining
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)
(Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA)
The Thingy
(Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)
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C L U B T O P 5
Like desire, the list waits for an answer.
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September 22, 2006
The Top 17 Least Scary Horror Movies
(Part II)
17> The Amityville Snorer
16> Harry Potter and the Chamber of Downy Goslings
15> Behind the Screen Door
14> House of Brazilian Wax
13> The Preacher From the Black Legume
12> Jews 3D
11> The Brides of Franksinatra
10> Abbott and Costello Meet Rodgers and Hammerstein
9> Pollstergeist
8> Illegal Alien vs. Child Predator
7> The Jazzercist
6> The Benny Hills Have Bette Davis Eyes
5> Don of the Grateful Dead
4> Rosemary's Baby Shower
3> Dr. Pepper and Mister Pibb
2> When a Stranger Apologizes for a Wrong Number
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Least Scary Horror Movie...
1> The Texas Chain Store Mascara
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
The Runner Up & Honorable Mention submissions
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Least Scary Horror Movies
RUNNERS UP list -- A Nightmare on Chester Street
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I Know What You Doodled During the Henderson Meeting
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Interview with the Vienna Boy's Choir
(Stephanie Shiner Thompson, Brainerd, MN)
My Little Pony... OF DEATH!
(Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA)
NeoPet Sematary
(Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)
Night of the Living Dead-End Job
(Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX)
Rosemary's Baby Carrots
(Fred Hesby, Portland, OR)
Seed of Chuck E. Cheese
(Chuck Brown, St. Stephen, NB, Canada)
Slackula
(Richard Skora, Columbus, OH)
The Amityville Horror Picture Show
(Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA)
The Wicker Man Who Came and Dropped Off This Great Patio Set
(Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX)
(Barbara McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI)
Yawn of the Dead
(Barbara McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI)
Runners Up list name
(Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA)
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Least Scary Horror Movies
HONORABLE MENTIONS list -- Dawn of the Dud
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101 Dust Mites
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Alfrankenstein
(Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY)
Children of the Kettle Corn
(Emily Limbach, Boulder, CO)
Codzilla
(Matt Kall, Solon, OH)
Comma
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)
Ding Dong School of the Dead
(Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY)
Elmer Fudd's Tales from the Cwypt
(Richard Skora, Columbus, OH)
Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman -- at a Spin Class
(Chuck Brown, St. Stephen, NB, Canada)
Groom of Barbie
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
Nocturnal Emission on Elm Street
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Silence of the Yams
(Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT)
The Texas Coleslaw Massacre
(Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY)
Village of the Damned Antique Shops Everywhere
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)
iScream
(Galen Tatsuo Komatsu, Pearl City, HI)
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Address changes: http://www.topfive.com/clubtop5
Everything else: http://www.topfive.com/contact.shtml
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C L U B T O P 5
TOPFIVE -- The Web's Best Original Humor http://www.topfive.com
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